Did you know that Oprah is giving away money? Just send Mark $100 and Oprah will track the hundred dollar bill with her fancy GPS money tracking software. After you give that to Mark, then Oprah will refund you at least 300 times what you gave to Mark.* Please send all money as soon as possible. If you are among the first 1,000,000 to give Mark $100, then you will recieve a special discount**


*This statement is only true on days of the week ending in "p".
**This statement is only true if you are a Pacific Spiny Lumpsucker